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FEAR IS THE ABSENCE OF LIGHT An awakening experience by Lila Popa The last week of our yoga teacher-training course in Vancouver, I was overwhelmed with information I had received from our teacher Nakul. I had been very eager to learn and understand the fundamentals of his teachings: to connect with your higher self, one must let go of his ego, his attachments and any expectation he might have. But how? I seemed to ask myself over and over. How do I let go of my expectations? How do I detach myself form my loved ones? Along with these questions and disappointment, my fears started manifesting in the form of dreams. Night after night, my nightmares troubled me, from flesh eating monsters to betrayals and loss. While I was awake, a sense of fear and uncertainty would follow me throughout my day. Although I knew what needed to be done, putting it into practice proved to be a little difficult. Frustrated, one night, I went to sleep, and in my sleep, I found the answers I was looking for "The dream started with me, living with my family, a few years back. At that time, I was extremely happy, I had recently learned that a new man had decided to come into my life and help me with everything I ever needed and desired. We had had a meeting a while back, and the man, who was slightly older, dressed in a very expensive suite, with white hair, had sat down with my family and me and made all the arrangements binding it with a contract. He seemed to posses a lot of power, and I willingly and eagerly, gave in to his charming ways. He promised a life of riches and happiness, to my whole family and me! He promised to take care of all our finances and make all the decisions for me so I could lead a happy, worry free life. Life went on peacefully and with no problems, but something didn't seem right...I have started to notice, that the man was showing up more and more. Sometimes he would show up at unwanted moments. He was starting to be everywhere, very quickly. One night, I brought it up to my mother as she was tucking me into bed. I whispered because I was scared he would hear me. I told her I was a bit concerned that the man seemed to invade my personal space. As I was whispering to her, I could see the shadow underneath the door pacing back and forth, and I knew it was him, listening...it was the first time I became scared of the man in the suite. The next day, I told him, I wanted to break the contract, and he told me it was impossible and that he would help me and makes all my worries go away. I didn't believe him, but there was nothing I could do, so I went on living in fear and uncertainty. Some years pass and I find my self in my current situation, living in Vancouver with my fiancée. At this time, the man had become a problem, a problem that didn't have a solution, and a problem that I had learned to live with. The man in the suite and I had our shares of arguments, and every time, he would tell me, I will never get rid of him, he would always be there. And he was. If I went to a coffee house, he would sit beside me, if I went on a date, he would come too. I was becoming more and more aware of him. He would be everywhere, in his black suite with a permanent smile on his face. I would tell him "go away" and he would reply, " You will never get rid of me" I quickly became scared of him, feeling hopeless, I was constantly depressed. Even my relationship with my fiancée was being affected, because all I could talk about was how scared I was of the man, how he was everywhere and I had no peace. I felt trapped I found my self at my wits end. There was nothing I could do, so I call my fiancée to tell him, of course the man in the suite was right behind me the whole time. I told my fiancée that I have had enough I couldn't take it anymore. My fiancée consoled me and told me to hang in there. On my last glimmer of hope, I started to walk home. On my way, I ran into another man. He had dark skin, a long bread and long hair, wearing nothing but a loincloth, and some beads around his neck. He was banging his hands on some sort of a bongo. I looked at him and he asked me what's wrong. I explained hopelessly about my man in the suite. I told him about the contract and how it couldn't be broken. The man in the loincloth smiled at me, and told me there is way to break the contract. I asked him " How can I fight him? He's so powerful!" "LOVE" is what the bearded man replied "Don't be scared and surround yourself with love” And then I understood I smiled and thanked him and I started to walk. Across the street, I saw the man in the suite looking at me. Usually, I would turn away and be scared, but today, I looked him in the eyes, and I waved to him, smiling! I kept walking, and the man in the suit was suddenly at the stop light, he didn't seem happy, I could see he was trying to intimidate me, but I smiled again and I said hello to him. I kept walking, meeting up with my fiancée; we walked hand in hand in love. The man in the suite would show up every few steps, and I would just smile at him, and talk to him about love. He was very angry. The permanent smile had disappeared and was replaced by an angry frown, yelling at me to be scared " Be afraid of me!!! Stop smiling!!" he would scream! Ignoring his requests, as I passed him, I turned my head and I told him he was welcome to follow us and be happy too. He yelled out a last cry and disappeared into the air." When I woke up from my dream, I was very content. Facing the man in the suite, my ego, turned my dream from a nightmare to one of my biggest realizations. Letting go of my ego was something I needed to do, but I was never ready...I needed the right tools to conquer it. The right tools to put into practice what seemed so hard the days before. I realize now, how the ego can be so deceiving, and why it's so hard to let go of it. But once I did, my nightmares and fears went away. Although, there is still a long path ahead of me, realizing and releasing the ego in my dream, will bring me one step closer to my goal. The man in the loincloth was very wise, I know he holds the answer to a lot of questions. I only hope, one day I will have the honor to see him again.

‘What we don’t know doesn’t hurt.’ Think again! It is same as walking around with a blindfold and thinking you would never get hurt. The truth is that sooner or later it does hurt but we just don’t know why it hurts. Then we ask why God? Why me? Why is there so much pain in the world? Pain shows us where we have been going wrong. It’s there to awaken us, get rid of ignorance. The sooner we awaken the less pain we have to go through. By running away or ignoring our problems we only make them worse. The so-called pleasure that we experience because of ignorance is short lived and comes with a price. Ignorance is NOT bliss! Even half knowledge is dangerous. It makes us over confident, which makes our judgment go wrong and in turn we create more karma.

YOGA IS NOT A RELIGION Yoga is not a religion. It is the ancient art and science of human mind, body and spirit.

I AM... I AM NOT MY BODY. I AM NOT MY MIND. I AM.......AUM

POWER Justifications are illusions of the physical mind. Our physical mind is spoilt and manipulative, it makes us believe that we are weak, that we have no will power. The truth is that God has given everyone the gift of free will. Along with this gift comes the strength to do the right thing. When you pursue a goal that is positive, with good intentions, you must recognize that the strength to accomplish that goal is already within you. Do not allow your physical mind to fool you into thinking otherwise.

LIGHT WE CREATE LIGHT BY CO-OPERATING WITH LIGHT We are co-creators of Prana(power). Positive emotions generate Prana (energy) and negative emotions deplete us of Prana(life force). Prana or Shakti(light) is generated by the heart (good intent), mind (positive perspective & visualization) and selfless action (karma).

GRATITUDE REALIZATION LEADS TO GRATITUDE AND GRATITUDE LEADS TO PEACE. One of the highest and most difficult practices we can do to advance spiritually is to be GRATEFUL TO THE DIVINE for everything in our lives. And by everything we mean EVERYTHING AND AT ALL TIMES. Only when our every breath becomes a THANK YOU TO THE DIVINE, can we achieve the Divine blissful state.

KNOWING What we know today will no longer be the knowing tomorrow as everything in this universe, of which we are a part of, changes constantly. Light cannot be owned or possessed. We must learn the art of letting go, even of the truth, so as to make place for experiencing a higher truth. Every thing is known in not knowing.

Ego Our ego has a North Pole South Pole attitude. It is like liquid mercury or a bar of soap, very hard to hold. It is too eager to define itself as good or bad and the tool it uses to do so is called comparison. Comparison always brings either a superiority complex or an inferiority complex and both make us miserable and lonely.

ENTHUSIASM Spirit is ever enthusiastic. Only when we contemplate on the higher meaning and purpose of life can we begin to understand the value of the precious moments of our life.